We travel, initially, to lose ourselves; and we travel, next, to find ourselves. We travel to open our hearts and eyes and learn more about the world than our newspapers will accommodate. We travel to bring what little we can, in our ignorance and knowledge, to those parts of the globe whose riches are differently dispersed.
So, if more and more of us have to carry our sense of home inside us, we also - Emerson and Thoreau remind us - have to carry with us our sense of destination. The most valuable Pacifics we explore will always be the vast expanses within us, and the most important Northwest Crossings the thresholds we cross in the heart.
And if travel is like love, it is, in the end, mostly because it’s a heightened state of awareness, in which we are mindful, receptive, undimmed by familiarity and ready to be transformed.
-- Pico Iyer, "Why We Travel" (March 2000)
19 April 2013 was a most disorienting day.
I rose with the sun, restless, and discovered the greater Boston metropolitan area on lockdown. I spent the morning dialed into a conference call in my pyjamas, restless, ears abuzz with distant sirens. I later received a call informing me that a) I received a position I dared not dream of receiving, b) located in the hemispheric inverse of my couch near Porter Square, c) to commence in one month's time, so d) I had better make a decision ugh like soon. It's funny - in fleeting moments of weakness when I had allowed myself to entertain this scenario, I envisioned ecstatic energy, but that day left me emotionally depleted and unable to process. So, I went to sleep.
A great deal was reinforced to me in those subsequent four weeks. For one, I am a spazz. While 'dreaming big' may be frightening, having some permutation of my 'dream' become reality sent me over the top. I mean, if I live it out and mess it up (life is messy, after all), then I've spoiled it, no? What is even the basis for this amorphous notion that I can help improve systemic weaknesses in global health infrastructure? Passion? All that Model UN? Not experience, that's for sure. For someone in such a devoted relationship with [putting dessert into] her gut, I was certainly horrid at following my gut instinct.
In spite of these fits of irrational hysterics, the universe poured affirmation and love on me in the form of generous family, friends, mentors, colleagues, colleagues of boyfriends of friends, parents of former classmates... all of whom made me brave. I don't know if taking a leap with so much support even constitutes bravery - I think it just means I am very, very lucky. Thank you for reminding me that this is exactly what I want, and if not, this is exactly what I need in order to figure out what I do want. Thank you for believing that I can do it. Thank you for agreeing to employ me as ineffectual live-in housekeeper if I cannot (jk jk USCIS/Dept. of Homeland Security).
I will share anecdotes, pictures, musings, and more pictures on this blog. Please comment or email, if only to say hello. I may be wandering, but this way, I will not feel lost.
